Armor and Stone

August 6th 2008 - Leave a Little Room In Your ...

Image by Stephen Poff via Flickr

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Offered openly

full of spirit, lively soul

brushed by… with apathy

dislodged, falling to umbra

washed with tears of agony

restored with faith

 

Offered with timidity

reserved and conservative

caustic laughter burning down

battered, bleeding, disfigured

cleansed with tears of pain

bandaged, nursed, revived

hardened with armor

carefully forged

 

Offered with caution

watchful, weary,

my tormented heart

love unrequited twice over

pike of scorn, savage conceit

armor pierced and damaged

spirit dampened a soul stricken

consigned to shadows of  loneliness

languishing with in cold damp darkness

stoic wall’s of stone constructed efficiently

 

 

Poetry is not my strong suit, having just recently started tinkering with it.  I thought I would give it another try, and keep refining as I learn.  This one is not exactly in the spirit of Valentines Day is it?  It is however in line with the theme of this months The Artist ChallengeUnrequited Love.  The way I saw the theme was through the fairly common results of  love offered but not reciprocated.  A person will strengthen their heart, forging a type of armor to protect it.  If rejected continually, a simple defense of  hiding the feelings, protecting them behind walls, seeming built of stone.

 

Vikki will be posting the submitted artwork to the challenge on Saturday.  As of tonight there were 15 entries, and about 5 more on their way.  Vikki has been raving about the submissions.   I can’t wait to see it myself, I wish I could sneak in and get a glimpse.  Be sure to go by Saturday and see what has been created, it should be a spectacular gallery showing at The Artist Challenge.

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24 comments:

jenn said...

don't sell yourself short this is a great poem beautiful rhythm

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Eric S. said...

Wow, Thanks Jenn. Your quick I just got this posted. and happened to look at the comments to be sure the new set up was working. Low and behold I find your wonderful, kind words. :-[

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tashabud said...

Oh so sad, but so true of the human's natural defensive mechanism that is employed in that kind of situation. Eric, the poem is beautifully composed and written. So, is this going to accompany the challenge this Saturday? It's so befitting to the topic of the art challenge.

Tasha

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shadow said...

the words suited so perfectly, to life-like, true to feelings i've felt myself. great!

TWM said...

First the form. One of the reasons for centering the text on a page is to delineate a physical shape. In this Eric your have been quite successful in that for itself with it's 6, 8 and, 10 line verses resembles a female in a high bodice gown. A shape that can be used to define both the destroyer of the love offered and the healer of the broken heart.

Second the text itself, while I would change a few words and step the meter differently, I find that I like this as you have it.

While I am not a great romantic poet or man for that matter, your own ideal of romance and love comes through quite well and for that this verse achieves it's purpose and hits the mark of good poetry.

Nice work friend!

Recent blog post: HIDING ON THE RUN

Eric S. said...

Thanks Shadow. Coming from a poet of your ability, I find that highly complimentary. The feelings were real, felt many many years ago, I suppose that is one of the reasons the poem was so hard to write. :-[ ;)

Recent blog post: An easy way to help out Australian Brush Fire Victims, and get an awesome value also.

Eric S. said...

Thanks Mark. I was trying for a physical, but thought I had failed. I just realized after your comment, there is a shape there. After not finding the shape I wanted, I settled for a symmetrical appearance.

The wordage is the hardest part of poetry. I find I struggle in this more than any other part of the creation processes. I'm going to pick up some books on writing poetry, and do a little studying. I was unsure about the 6, 8, 10 composition not sure if that was a proper way of formatting or not, but I did work at making it achieve this. That was harder than one would think also.

Thank you, I take compliment's, from a poet of your achievement, to heart. I really do appreciate the break down critique, for it helps me to form in my head places where I can improve.
:-[ :) 8-)

Recent blog post: An easy way to help out Australian Brush Fire Victims, and get an awesome value also.

Vikki North said...

You're an outstanding poet Eric! This is wonderful. Thank you so much. And I have to agree with your one of commenters- it's also visually a beautiful display the way you structured it.

I think Unrequited Love acutally does go along with Valentines Day. Love in vain is no less of love or less passion felt, you know.

And to Michael and my delight, we've been bombarded with jpgs this morning so our gallery is quickly doubling in size. The work is amazing and in every art medium imaginable. Please come visit us tomorrow. :*
Vikki

Recent blog post: Art Challenge #4: Hope

soulMerlin said...

Good one Eric. I've always loved poetry - it gets to the essence of a truth.

I half-remember a song lyric about unrequited love, which I thought was poetry in itself. It went something like...

John's in love with Joan
Joan's in love with Jim
Jim's in love with someone
Who isn't in Love with him

all the best

henry :)

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Eric S. said...

Hi Vikki, thank you so much. I suppose you are correct about unrequited love. I had not thought of it in that light. You know there may even be more passion, however well hidden in unrequited love.

I can't wait to see the gallery! I believe I may be just about as excited as you are. I'll be there, no doubt. 8-)

Recent blog post: An easy way to help out Australian Brush Fire Victims, and get an awesome value also.

Eric S. said...

I love it Henry. The lyrics fit right in.

I have been reading a lot of poetry lately, mostly on line, but I do have one book of poems now. I plan to spend a few hours devouring and digesting it's contents.

I've been trying to leave comments on your Border Lines, but something is amiss, and it won't let me post a comment.

I hope your work schedule has lessened a little. Best of all to you

Eric. :) :)

Recent blog post: An easy way to help out Australian Brush Fire Victims, and get an awesome value also.

Jena Isle said...

Hi Eric,

This poem is unique, even the format.You do have some talent in poetry too. You should keep composing poems.

Where is Tabitha, Darfrain and Tirashar, I'm excited to read the rest of it..lol..

God bless.

TWM said...

http://www.americanpoems.com/

To my thinking the above is one of the most comprehensive American poetry sights in that it covers more than a century. While I would never disregard the poets not American I do not use their language as well as I do my own native tongue.

What I like is being able to define the different "schools" the poets have grown through.

The 6,8,10, line format is perfectly justifiable Eric. If you had put a 7 or 5 line verse in the middle it would have broken the scheme. But you hit the mark.

Liara Covert said...

Happy Valentine's Day to an inspiring poet who has a ways with words. To encourage people to express emotions is to empower them to reconnect with pats of themselves they forgot about.

Eric S. said...

Hi Liara, Thank you and happy Valentines Day. ;)

Recent blog post: Love Letters, Forgotten Yet Missed

Eric S. said...

Vikki has the gallery up. here's the link.
http://www.theartistchallenge.com/2009-02-14/art-challenge-5-unrequited-love/
:)

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Anonymous said...

NICE draft for discussion. Well done.

I had to go back up and take a second look at the silhouette of the poem after reading Mark's comment because I had a strong impression of an "item" which the poem filled, rather than a person's silhouette.

As I finished the poem, the last lines spreading sufficiently to be a base supporting the lovely curving lines above, I said to myself, "Hmmmm, I wonder if he intended to frame the poem as a bud vase without a rose to grace it?"

But see, that's what I meant in one of my earlier comments, on an earlier post about poetry, on what the reader brings to the poem ~ why I do not believe there can be a "right" and "wrong" experience/interpretation of a poem.

My appreciation for decorative glassware, and tendency to fill my home with vases overflowing with lovely flowers when I'm happy, and leaving them either empty or filled with dejected/dead blossoms when I'm sad, set the stage for my seeing the silhouette as a vase, rather than the woman's form Mark saw.

The words/phrases you chose for this draft of the poem express well the overall feeling.

The only significant snag I hit on first reading was the line wherein "laughter" arises. I had to pause for a moment and think to myself, "Hmm, it must have been cutting, derogatory, nasty, etc., laughter for the protagonist to have been trodden down by it."

What do you think of "caustic laughter burning down?"

Well, once again I must cheer your courage to put these creative energies out there for public consumption.

The Dawg and I are heading out of town tomorrow for a "mini" vacation up into the Sierra's for Valentine's Day weekend. My office is closed Monday, so this is 3-day weekend for me.

You'd like California's "Gold Country," the foothills of the Sierra's above the Sacramento Valley. The little towns that dot the foothills were mostly built in the late 1800's, so there are many gold-rush era main streets that feel like "home" to me. Complete with false-front buildings, clap-board sidewalks, and grand raucously western saloons still in operation and lovingly maintaining their original Victorian floors, bars, fixtures, and art work (bullet holes in walls, treasured ghosts, etc.).

AND the snow level is expected to fall to 2,000 feet this weekend, so we might even be gifted with a snowfall in that area to enjoy.

Hugs

Eric S. said...

I like that line Kel, I added it ans changed a few lines slightly. Each time I read it, I pick out something that feels wrong, and try to come up with a more lasting approach. It would be fun to structure a poem withing a visual framework, then remove the frame and see what the readers visualize. An interesting concept, I may just have to try it sometime.

You must have gained your love of vases and containers from Mother. I remember her always collecting crystal vases, containers, and what I called her Genie bottles. All beautiful and decorative. I seem to remember you having a love of pottery also. I think it was Frank Grey who would make all those great bowls for Mother, and other things that added almost a meditation feel to the decor.

That sounds like a fabulous Valentines weekend. I'm sure I would love the Sierra's, I have heard so many stories of them. Another blogger I read all the time is a fellow mountain lover, and lives off the West Coast. She posts pictures that cause a homesick feeling to cross my conscience. I would really love to see the old saloons with their intact history.

:)

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June Saville said...

Thought provoking as usual Eric. I'll be interested to follow your poetic journeys.
How about Vikki's Gallery 5 eh? It's even better than I thought it would be.
June in Oz

Recent blog post: Apologies that I've Left You Up in the Air

Eric S. said...

It will be a learning journey for me June. I love reading poetry, This is only the third poem I have posted I think.

The Gallery, I was amazed, simply beautiful images, so well interpreted. And your poetry to go along with them. Excellent job young lady, yes I said young.

I can't wait for the next challenge now. as the casual observer, I feel like the winner. 8-)

Recent blog post: Love Letters, Forgotten Yet Missed

Dina Kerik said...

Eric! Darlin', This is stunning! I love that it's both visual in structure and what you accomplished with it. I think that it would have been perfect to enter in the challenge! You must pinky swear that you WILL write something for the Fool challenge!

I feel like you accomplished what I tried to with my jaded side of love story post. Mine came out sounding a bit on strident, but THIS captures the hurt, some of the humiliation....

XO
Dina

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khaye said...

This is a strong poetry.I admire how the words are carefully chosen and crafted.

Eric S. said...

Thank you Khaye, I tried to work it out. I think I may revisit it some more though, perhaps choose a few different phrases her and there. ;)

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AngelBaby said...

Great poem, I must admit I don't know much about correct poetry but I do know what I like and this one is just wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing this. I loved it. =-X

Love and Blessings,
AngelBaby

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